Red & Black at the Oscars

So did you watch? I Tivo’ed, then zoomed through 2 hours of red carpet and 3 hours of actual award show. I thought they were pretty boring—I loved the red dresses (in honor of the Go Red campaign), but all the black? Snoooooooozers. Ok, here are my highlights:

+ My new boyfriend, Javier Bardem’s, acceptance speech. Do you know the story? The Coens approached him to play the part of Anton Chigurh, and he initially refused because he was not fluent in English. They finally convinced him to take the part, and now he is completely fluent. Besides the fact that his speech was short and sweet and HUMBLE, the man is surprisingly hot without his “Dorothy Hamil wedge”, and he spoke to his mother in Spanish. Plus, I thought it too cute that he kissed Josh Brolin on the mouth.

+ Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova winning best song. Frigging Alan Mencken has won too many as it is. Lovely song, lovely film, and I’m SO glad they let Marketa come back and finish her thank yous after she was so rudely interrupted (GAWD).

+ Miley Cyrus almost durfing on her way to the podium. And why was she even there anyway? I really can’t stand the girl. Ugh.

+ My favorite dressed Women in Red: Helen Mirren (what a babe), Katherine Heigl, and Heidi Klum.


+ Jon Stewart in general. Loved all the political jokes. Ooh, and his instructions on how to come up with your own stripper name after talking about Diablo Cody’s history as an exotic dancer. I have heard this before, but Ryan hadn’t (in case you’re wondering, my stripper name is Boots East; Ryan’s is Brentwood Valkyrie).

And lowlights:

- Tilda Swinton winning for Best Supporting Actress. She was in Michael Clayton for like 10 minutes! Amy Ryan soooooo should have won. Plus, she looked horrible—hair, makeup, and that black velvet potato sack? Mascara is your friend, Toots!


- Anne Hathaway’s dress. Yeesh.

- Nicole Kidman’s scary appearance. The woman needs a new colorist. And plastic surgeon. I thought her nose was going to fall off at the podium a la Michael Jackson.

- The Freeheld chick’s spastic demeanor while accepting the Oscar for Best Documentary. Her awkward smothering Tom Hanks hug. And her co-director’s obvious embarrassment. Painful.

- Ohhhhhh, Kristen Chenoweth. I love you so, but your performance of that Enchanted song—well, we had to fast forward after you got up to dance with the man at the “park”. Cringe, cringe.

- I didn't know Deborah Kerr died!!! :(

All in all, a decent showing. Kinda boring, but nothing Tivo can't fix. See ya at 81, Oscar!